I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
