just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
