Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
