u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dick very happy bro
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
