I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
