My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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