I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
