I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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