On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
