He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize