why didn't you poke me back
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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