Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
