I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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