if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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