is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
