i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
