So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
