puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
