Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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