Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
