her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
