Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Your dad touched me again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
