hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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