shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
