It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
