Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
