I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
