Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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