I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
