Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
