He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize