They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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