Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
