Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
