Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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