Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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