i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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