I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you win again, gameday.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
