just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
