If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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