i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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