The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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