my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
