then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
