Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
