grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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