Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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