I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
