At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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