Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
