i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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