ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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