I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
