Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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