is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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