Moan for me like Helen Keller
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
