perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
