Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
