mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
