know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
