does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
