uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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