And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
