I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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