Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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