I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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