CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
