Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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