I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
