Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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