She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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