waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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