I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
