I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
