I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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