my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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