oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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