We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
