I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
