i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
