I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
