how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
