I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
