she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
