Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
