he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
