Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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