is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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