Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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