Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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