The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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